Life, God and Alcohol

It's that time of the year again where I am given a chance to get as close to God as possible aka Lent!!

I have decided to give up Alcohol again! am getting too old for this. Am young and am talking about giving up alcohol like am a booze bag or sumn. some of my mates are talking about being sober for months. Honestly, what has this world turned into?! it is a true cause for worry!!!! In a couple of years, what would I be saying?
Well, maybe it's a phase like partying and clubbing and all..u just keep at it to get it out of your system and then it loses it's fun. I hope that this is what it is though. But you know there are those times when you just need a buzz and alch is just that pick me up you need???! I should listen to myself! GOSH!!!!

Anyway, I have decided to be closer to God this lent. Say my prayers everyday and walk in the Lord as much as I can. Who said anything about Lent being only about spiritual regeneration?? It is also an opportunity to develop physically and mentally and the beginning of the work out for the summer you know. Part diet just add some working out to it and we are good to go!

On a side note, I think there is something twitching in my brain. I don't like making my bed. I like sleeping in it like all messed up and everything. Makes me feel cosy which is just WEIRD!! Even to me and am the one doing it. Am I crazy??

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Lesson on life and depression

So basically i have been awol from the world...
not just my blog
and i decided yesterday that am going to get deeper with my blog..even though it was deep..it wasn't deep enough. it scratched the surface of who I am. Hopefully that will take me somewhere and help me get to the bottom of things

On that note...am sinking slowly into depression and introversion! am not really in the mood to go out socialising with the rest of the world..just want to stay in my room all day and do whatever.

School is really gettin me down. I am apprehensive about my exam results that are comin out in about 2 days. I need to find a job for my 3rd year and honestly that is getting nowhere. when u really need something and you get dead ends..it hurts! as in that pain of the thought that there may be no hope. it kills! and it has been gettin me down for days!

I like a guy that i cannot just bring myself to tell him. Made up my mind to, then all of a sudden with the weight of everything else on my mind..it's like my heart has disappeared. It's like i don't even have feelings for him anymore. Does that make sense on any level.. you are to busy with life that you forget to love or like as the case may be?

I like cooking..I love cooking and i find it very therapeutic! but am just too damn lazy to go get the things i need to cook. I know it will cheer me up but i dont want to cook for myself. I want to make an elaborate dish i have never made before and then invite everyone over to come and eat. but that is where the irony of the situation is. I don't really feel like being around people.

I think I am slowly losing my mind. honest! i need to run off somewhere and know that i have no worries hanging over my head! any suggestions?

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Talent on the rise!

Am sorry but I am inlove. I know a good writer when I see one and he is definately one. best of all...he is my friend! I just had to share this poem with you lot so you appreciate the lyrical genius that is Ojemz.

If you are interested in seeing the rest of his poems..the link is on the left bar. Let the Pen Bleed! CHECK IT OUT!!!


ANS POETICA

I’m not a poet like Shakespeare or Gibran but I like the smiles
Similes get when they are thrown in a verse
What’s more the awe on faces caused by one or two metaphors
Hyperbole–the height of any piece.
So they shouldn’t just speak to you,
Words like these should whisper to your senses,
Explode in your ears and give your nostrils that clear sensation.
Writing with alternating artilleries like assonance and alliteration,
Keeps the flow going with equal succession.
Poetry rides on imagination but truth is its journey and destination
So take it there and when it does arrive
Even anti-poetry extremist can’t deny, it does come alive
The irony of finding a companion for oxymoron
breathes life of an adventure. Exciting – sure
But may lure you down a path austere and immature
They say poetry is an art–No. If it’s anything its life at least
See I’m not a poet like Shakespeare or Gibran
So the next time you mention me, refer to me as a life-artiste

Ojemz2k9

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Exams and heart ache

It is so funny how I have exams but yet I find it so damn hard to read and it is this time of all times when i need all the emotional and mental strength i can muster that my heart decides it wants to have one of its lonely bouts! CURSES!!!
which explains why i keep coming back to listen to this song. Hunt 4 u by Teirra Mari
Beautiful song you should listen to it. And no it is not depressing.
So in my loneliness, I picked up the phone and called an old 'love interest' as my friend chooses to refer to them. We never worked out cuz he chickened out and it pained my heart so! I got over him though. Just really missed him this night.

Pray for me that I at least read for these exams and pass them. Am so damn tempted to resign myself to just barely passing and then explaining to my parents how i have to switch schools or something. Doubt they would be pleased....

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Gotta Find Me...

You are the one, the one I need
The one I always seem to find
Whenever you are with somebody
Never ever when you are on your own
I always come at the end of that relationship
Why don’t we ever meet when we are both single
Now the bond has been irrevocable strengthened
I find myself thinking about you more than ever
Am silently hoping you are alone
While chastising myself the same time
I shouldn’t wish another woman a broken heart
Even if you were free what happens?
Together, I don’t know how we would be
Separate we are unstoppable
That or am very unstable
Or my heart is just calling out for you
It has missed you for years
And has always kept a warm home for you
All these years never for one second going cold
Nobody can ever take your place
Because the power u have over me
Is not born by the bond but my time
Time that no one can ever measure up to
You told me to stay
Yet, I blocked out the memories and left
If you know how it killed me to not listen to you
I had no power and had to get out
If I had stayed things would be too much
Too much for both of us to even handle
Given the strength we have
I regretted my decision as I made it
But now as I think back I did well
You are a flickering candle in my life
One that I want to burn bright
But fate keeps it flickering
I don’t know why and I don’t want to understand
We talked about it, I didn’t want to get into that
So I laughed it off…
Am lost right now and I only want to be found by you
Even then …
Will I let you find me?

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Leave me be

I had been having chats with a friend of mine basically like all day every day...It's a very very funny friendship. We really good friends and then some. So basically we got to talking about how things would be if we dated and all that needless to say neither of us are up for a relationship.

Later on, within a few hours...I had this same conversation with my best friend...who we have sort of the same relationship but deeper..

All this got me thinking that it really is time to settle down. Like really..playing around may seem fun..no commitments to anybody but yourself...its all laissez-faire and all...so I have decided to move on...end all games and get serious.

Am getting older, it's time to suck it all up, get the dust off the suits, and lose them lingo. Time waits for noone...Am a little behind need to run and catch up....


So here's to 2009
May it be a year we regret nothing at the end....do that thing we have always wanted to do....fall in love...be sucessful...make those grades...ultimately FIND OURSELVES...and above all remember we can't do it all without God.

Happy New Year everybody!

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Silence

Years past it had been very easy for me to speak
And now suddenly I am faced with silence.
Silence that is eating at the core of me
Silence I choose to break every single bloody time we speak
Yet I greet myself with even more silence!

You presented an opportunity for me to come clean
Yet you also gave me even more reason not to
This didn't bother me because I want nothing from you
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
I just want to get this out in the open

They say Silence keeps things Happy
Nothing said, No cause for pain or arguments
The perfect recipe for happiness and bliss
Define happiness and bliss for me please
I am ALMOST happy

I know just saying this out will change something
Even though we have both known it
A verbal confirmation just changes things
Or does it?
I believe we are above that, yet I doubt you

So therefore I toast to Silence
For I have dined with you, lived with you
Been angered at you that I wish to never speak to or of you
But you shall forever be present...

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